Today was my final session of my introductory course to NLP (neuro linguistic programming) and I volunteered for a demonstration in ‘Cord Cutting’.
There has been a loose connection in my life – a continual energy exchange with someone with whom I didn’t want to exchange energies. In other words, I’ve been attached to someone energetically without wanting to be. This could be true for you with an ex-, or a friend, or even a place or an object and this technique is applicable if you truly want the energetic flow to stop. It’s not about stopping every aspect of a relationship (you can leave the memory, for example) but only about the excess connection, the exaggerated energetic flow.
The process of rechanneling that energy is simple and effective. I’ve got a video clip – a friend filmed the process, but the teacher is speaking in Hebrew, (and it’s 18 minutes long!) so I’ll describe the process.
The first step is to ask myself if I truly want to end that connection. Would it be a good idea to end it? If so, then to symbolize the connection, I light a candle and place it somewhere in the room.
I stand, close my eyes and begin the process. I imagine the person across from me and feel the connection. I locate the place on my body where I feel the ‘cord’ or whatever ties me to the other. I feel/see the ‘cord’ and describe it, the material, temperature, texture, tone or smell, everything is described. I then proceed to cut the ‘cord’ with imaginary scissors in order to feel a sudden loss. What’s missing? What ended by cutting the cord? In my case it was excitement, zest, joie de vivre.
The cord is then immediately replaced. And the work begins.
I create a sculpture of myself at my best. (at 7:11 in clip below) With all the qualities within that were provided by that other (the ‘ex’) and even more qualities – all the features, wisdom, warmth that I myself would possess at my very ‘best’. After creating, feeling that ‘best self’, I enter her, feel her at my back, in my heart. I then turn back to my former position, cut the cord to the ‘ex’ and immediately re-attach it to my ‘Best Self’. I feel the connection – i let it flow. and I attach her to my heart knowing that she will always be there for me as a permanent advisor whenever and wherever i need her.
The next step is to honor the ‘ex’ and allow that person to also sculpt their best self, cut the cord and attach it to their sculpture (this can be done in a flash – allowing the ‘ex’ to do the work). Imagination works quickly.
Next, i offer a benediction to the ‘ex’. I repeat phrases such as “You were my friend. I honour you and I thank you for what you offered me in my life. It’s precious and I honour it. Whatever I offered you, i offered freely and you may keep it for yourself. I take full responsibility for my part in our relationship and in our separation. I leave you your part in this. I leave a part of you in my heart. I am sorry if i pushed you away or hurt you in any way. I thank you and release you in love. I wish you happiness in the way you understand it.”
Note: at 13:47, Boris offers the phrases in Hebrew and my work is to listen, decide if they’re right for me and if so, repeat them. These phrases were taken from the work of Bert Hellinger‘s practice of Family Constellations)
The next step is to allow the relationship to disappear. I place the ‘ex’ / sculpture on a boat. (16:36) As i stand at the dock, i allow the boat to sail into the distance and i watch the ‘ex’ grow smaller and smaller, until the tiny dot disappears entirely.
I come back to the here and now, in my own time, opening my eyes, ready to begin my new life, supported by that wonderful best self internallization. Finally, i blow out the candle. All that was unwanted in that relationship has been stopped – only a good memory remains.
And here’s the clip – it’s long – my comments are very quiet since i was in a light trance.